Week 12: Moments in the Woods

Ok. So, Sunday I deactivated my online dating profiles.

Before you start to panic that maybe I’ve lost my mind, let me explain. A few weeks ago I went on a date with a man (Week 8 of this adventure) and it went well. Like, really well. And, because I have no frame of reference for what a normal first date is supposed to look like (see: the worst first date of all time), I’ve spent the last few weeks driving myself (and my friends) crazy. Is this normal, having a date that lasts 8 hours? What does this mean? Am I supposed to call him? He lives 2 1/2 hours away – how do I deal with the distance thing? Am I supposed to be talking to other guys? And is it crazy that I don’t really want to?

Thankfully for my nerves, I’ve seen him twice this week: first here in the ‘ville, then in St. Pete. Each of those dates lasted well over nine hours and I’m pretty sure that if we could have stayed out longer, we would have. Spending that massive a chunk of time with someone on a second or third date seems (to me, at least) a bit crazy, but when you factor in the facts that our schedules are both full and we live about 150 miles away from each other, it makes sense. Plus, it’s just so easy to spend the day with him. He’s smart enough to keep me on my toes and ridiculous enough to make up meanings with me for the paintings in the Dali museum (an insurmountable task for some, believe me).

Now, I know what you’re thinking: I just met this guy a few weeks ago. We’ve only been on a handful of dates. There’s a lot of physical distance between the two of us. All completely valid points and things I’ve spent hours mulling over in my head. Still, though, I deactivated the accounts because something about having access to look up other guys that I’m “compatible” with makes me feel uneasy. It isn’t exactly shady but it definitely doesn’t feel right.

I’m not saying this guy is going to be my husband. At this point, I’m not even sure he’s my boyfriend (though Kristi has different thoughts on that subject). What I am saying is that given what I’ve learned about him, he deserves my undivided attention.

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Weeks 10 & 11

I didn’t write a blog update last week. I almost didn’t write one today and there’s a good reason: there’s not a whole lot to update you guys on. These past two weeks I haven’t really done anything with my online dating accounts. I mean, if people take the time to message me, I write them back but I haven’t really sought out any new potential matches. I have, however, spent the past two weeks getting to know a bit more about the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago.

It’s an interesting internal debate I have going on: I only went on one date with this guy. We’d established that one date did not equal exclusivity and that’s not anything I’d ask of him at this point (I’m a girl, but I’m not a psycho girl). But the more I get to know about him, the less time I want to devote to looking for someone else.

For clarity’s sake, I am absolutely NOT stating that this man is “the one” for me. I don’t know enough about him to know that he isn’t though, and that’s why I’m stalling a bit. Tomorrow I’ll be spending a good amount of time with him and hopefully will gain some clarity.

Wish me luck!

Week 9: Don’t Jump

Happy Sunday! Or, if you’re a teacher like me, Unhappy Last Day of Vacation Before Real Life Resumes! I should probably be working on my lesson plans or updating my literacy stations for this semester but there’s just too much in my head that has to come out first. So, thanks for being here to help me wade through it all. #externalprocessor

A week or so ago, I went on a really nice date with a really nice man. There’s plans to go out again but that won’t happen until my next day off of work which isn’t for a few more weeks. So until then, I’m in an awkward limbo stage. One date does not equal exclusivity, even if it was an 8+ hour date (a fact I confirmed with this man. Mary warned me that one should typically not ask these types of questions but truly, I don’t care. And he was gracious about it, very clearly communicating his opinion on the subject and assuring me that while we weren’t exclusive, he did like me and was excited about getting to see me again).

Now what?

No, seriously, I’m asking: what do I do now?

I feel conflicted. I’m not saying that this particular man is the man who will be my husband – I think you’d need to have me committed if I was making that claim after knowing someone for a matter of weeks. And I’ve met a few new people on both christianmingle.com and eHarmony.com who seem nice enough, but there’s something intriguing about this other guy. I like him.

Ugh. I’m such a girl.

I’m a very impatient person. Having a plan at all times is a necessity and I thrive when there’s structure, stability, and security. But I have no way to plan for this and in the absence of a plan, I jump back. I analyze every conversation and decide that they all point to not what’s obvious (that this has potential) but to something negative. If I let myself, I will sabotage every relationship I have, whether it’s a friendship or something romantic.

The point of that entire last paragraph is that by admitting that this is my pattern, I can change it. It’s possible that there’s nothing beyond a second date with this particular man, but I can’t count myself out before I find out.

Yeah. Not a bad week, but not a happy, bubbly fun week. Thank goodness for the distraction of work that starts again tomorrow!

And, because I can’t close out one of these posts without something ridiculous that’s happened, one of the guys I’m talking to on christianmingle.com can’t spell. Like, pretty much at all. I’m not the best speller ever but I know that neighbor isn’t spelled “naubor” and this guy doesn’t. It makes me question his claim that he has a Bachelors degree.

Alright, I can only procrastinate finishing my lesson plans for so long. Thanks for giving me the space to work through these thoughts. And for not judging me out loud or to my face. 🙂