Week 8

Happy 2 Months of this online dating adventure to me!

First off, I got this on Christmas Day from eHarmony.com. One lonely stocking hanging on the fireplace. Well played, eHarmony. Well played.

thanks, eHarmony!

thanks, eHarmony!

Also, checking off something else from my “30 Before 30” checklist, I went on a date with a man I met on the internet that actually counteracted this date. THANK GOD. Literally and genuinely. He’s a nice man – a bit odd, but then again, I’m a bit odd too. We wandered around Downtown Disney, drank too much coffee, and sat on a bench overlooking a lake after the sun went down, chatting, laughing, and holding hands.

I learned quite a few important things this past Friday that I thought I’d share. Ready?

  1. If you tell your family and/or friends that you’re going out with a man you met on the internet, be prepared for several phone calls and text messages. Especially if your date is planned for 3:00 pm and you don’t get back to your mom’s house where you’re spending the night until 1:45 am.
  2. Texting “I’m not dead” is only appropriate if you’ve cracked jokes with the recipient about how you’ll check in to prove you’re not dead. Otherwise, you may freak your sister out. Sorry, Kelly.
  3. Don’t go to Downtown Disney the day after Christmas unless you’re ok with either a) looking for a parking spot for over an hour or b) parking over 3 miles away and taking a bus to get there.
  4. There is at least one man who finds me physically attractive. (Somewhere at least 2 of my friends are reading this and screaming “I HAVE TOLD YOU THIS FOR YEARS!!” at their smartphones. Yes. You were right.) Considering the bullying that happened to me growing up, understanding/believing this is a new development for me. And it feels strange and amazing.
  5. Having a good date with a man who lives far away from you and leads a busy life is almost worse than not dating at all. You know the possibility for spending more time getting to know someone you’re interested in exists, it’s just not anytime soon.

So, yeah. I have no idea what might happen in the future. For right now, it is more than enough to say that I like what I know about him so far and look forward to going on another date with him. Even if the earliest it can be is mid-January. :-/


Week 7

This past week I attempted to give control of my online dating life to one of my guy friends but it didn’t fit into his schedule for the week. I’m still curious to see if he’d get better results than I do so maybe this week he’ll have more time. Please Matt, for the love of GOD have better results than I do on my own!

Since I was on vacation last week, I don’t really have a list of the week’s events like I normally would. I do, however, have a letter to post and this week seems as good a time as any.

Dear Online Dating Matchmakers,

First off, yes, I do realize that the matchmaking done online is probably just a computer algorithm and does not come from an actual person. As much as I’d like to think that there’s some little old lady sitting behind a huge computer, scanning dozens upon dozens of profiles until she spots one and murmurs to herself, “oh, that one looks like he could be a good man for Kyla,” I know there isn’t (but I mean, come on now. Wouldn’t that be awesome?). Still, though, I have a few questions.

Question 1: why are 75% of my matches named “Keith,” “Charles,” or “Kyle”? “Keith” is my brother’s name, “Charles” is my dad and “Kyle” is only one letter off from my name. Was “his name is almost spelled the same as her name” one of the criterion in the algorithm? Because if so, you should maybe reconsider that.

Question 2a: A HUGE number of my matches are in the military. I’m a bit of a pacifist. Is it just that these are the men who’ve signed up for online dating or do you just think you’re funny matching me with them?
Question 2b: Same question, only about people who say they’d rather be outdoors hiking or running marathons than doing anything else. Is there a box I can uncheck for that? I’m pretty sure I need to do that.

And finally, the following is from an actual conversation that one of my friends had with one of her matches. While I realize this particular man is an outlier and not the standard, it needs to be shared (plus, she said it was ok).
“As for physical attraction…it is CRITICAL that I find a woman who would let me smell her bare feet every night, because the look and smell of a woman’s bare feet are absolutely the focus of my attraction (the more they smell, the better – I love the way a woman’s feet smell after having been in shoes all day. Maybe I’m weird, but I am who I am).”

I have no words. I do have a terrified, shocked scream for this particular interaction, but no actual words.

Come on, internet. Hook a girl up (just not with a creeper)!


Week 6

So, this week was less action and more quality. This is absolutely not a complaint.

Thoughts of the Week:

  • What’s up with everyone wanting to go camping? Here’s my thought: we live indoors for a very good reason. It’s wonderful to be outside, to connect with nature, but at the end of the day, I want to crawl into my nice, soft bed. As Sara would say, #princessproblems.
  • Some people seem to have a REALLY hard time taking a selfie. Here’s a helpful list of tips:
    • actually look at the camera. It does not make you look mysterious or interesting if you’re staring off in the distance.
    • use the photo to give your best impression. For example, maybe don’t take the selfie from really low because it looks like you’ve got 8 chins. Unless you have 8 chins in real life, this is not a good photo of you.
    • if you’re on christianmingle.com, you should probably have a shirt on in your photos, or at least enough of your body in the photo to show that you’re not naked. I’m seriously concerned on some of these pictures.
    • do not include your ex-girlfriend in your selfie. That’s just common sense, people.
  • Proof-reading should not be optional (hint for the people who claim they “defiantly” love Jesus).
  • Also, spell check comes standard on pretty much every electronic device. Just saying.
  • I’m talking to one guy who actually seems promising. He’s articulate, educated, and seems like he’s got his priorities decently in order. He said he doesn’t “do fluff” so I actually have to use my brain when I talk to him. It’s refreshing but I’m hoping that when we meet he doesn’t prove to be so intense 100% of the time. Regardless, it’s gotta be better than this date, right?

This week I’m on vacation and won’t have internet access so I’ve given my login information to one of my guy friends. I’ve been warned that this move is risky but he promised that he won’t do anything that’ll get me kicked off of the websites so I’m good with that.

Week 5: Distractions

I cannot figure out how to write this post. There’s no bullet point list. No huge red flags. Just some nice conversations with some nice men. I mean, there are still the standard “oh, you’re in your 60s and you just sent me your phone number. No thank you!” and “it’s super possible that you’re trying to obtain a green card…”

One of the guys I’m talking to wants to meet. I’m terrified. I mean, this was the plan all along: meet a nice guy and go out with him. But when the theoretical becomes actual…yeah. That’s where I get tripped up and nervous. For no good reason, just because I’m me.

Fingers (and toes!) crossed that this is a productive week. Especially since next week I give control of my online dating accounts to one of my guy friends. I am curious and afraid of what will happen when he’s in charge.