allow me to admit [without your laughter] that i belong to an office tv show fansite. just like with all sites, there’s forums and one of the topics of one thread is called “fellow christians?” i’ve never really clicked on it, simply because my goal of pleasing people stretches all the way into the internet, but tonight for some reason, i did. and i found a girl who was questioning what it means to “belong to God,” to “be saved” and many other fundamental questions people have when they discuss christianity. i’m not saying that i’m the right person to answer any of these perplexing and important questions, but i felt like i needed to respond. and so i did. what follows is what i’ve written to the girl, sarah, on the site.
“you raise excellent questions. they’re things i wonder daily. the bottom line is, like with any religion, there’s a balance of logic and faith. one should not blindly follow what one is simply told without research because honestly, that’s foolishness. and it’s important to look for answers to questions, but the “faith factor” is the ultimate test: do i believe in something that i cannot see with my eyes, cannot touch with my hands and cannot hear with my ears? faith isn’t something that any one person could force on another and i don’t think it should be. i think that’s how a lot of people have negative views of christians. they’ve been beat down with so much jargon that the words have lost all meaning.
for me, it’s like this: i’ve never been “bad,” but i definitely have my moments when i’m selfish, mean and ungrateful, to name only a few of many traits i’d rather not claim as my own. my sister was one of those people who shoved God down my throat once she went to college, and i was determined not to have anything to do with christianity as a whole. [i say “was” because not only do i now recognize the love behind what she was saying, but because like most people, she’s been blessed with more kindness in telling about God.] but the more i met the people my sister was around, the more i could see that they had joy. happiness is so fleeting, but joy is so beautiful at all times. so i read and i studied and i talked to people both within churches and outside of them and made the logical decision to be completely irrational and believe in something intangible.
i still screw up daily. i still have too many selfish moments, too many days where i don’t love people like i should, but i believe that i am a better person now than i was 5 years ago, just because i have faith in a relationship with the one who i believe made me exactly as i am. my faith is based way more on emotions than on logic, though i maintain that i am a fairly logical being.
people can give you answers to the questions you ask, but they’re just words until they resonate with you. faith is a feeling that lasts over time, like love. love is irrational. it cannot be seen, but we know what it feels like. and love, unlike lust, requires effort and sacrifice, but the rewards far outweigh the cost.”
there is so much more to say, but i abstained from writing an entire book. i don’t know if she’ll even read what i said or just look for loopholes in my words. i’m hoping she’ll see the love behind those words, those words that took me too long to write for fear of rejection.
i reserve the right to discuss this topic again and again, in many different ways, saying more words than i need to, just because i need to work out the answers within myself. and writing on here helps me process, and knowing that people read this keeps me accountable to try to be the person i see growing within me: someone who is rooted in love, faith and intentionality.